"A Part Of Me Desperately Wanted To Ask My Son If He Would Join Me If I Chose Assisted Death"

An Actual Conversation With A Clinically Depressed Mother At A Train-station That Left Me Completely Broken - We Had Just Had Supper.

IT WAS A FRIGID EVENING AND MY HOST ACCOMPANIED ME OUT OF THE APARTMENT WHERE SHE HAD JUST TREATED ME TO A WARM MEAL FOR THE LAST SUPPER PROJECT. SHE HAD SILKY MERMAID LONG BLACK HAIR UNDER THE HOODIE OF HER PADDED NYLON COAT AND SOFT SUNKEN EYES. SHE ACCOMPANIED ME TO THE TRAIN STATION AND ONCE WE NAVIGATED THE MAZE OF PLATFORMS FINALLY ARRIVING AT THE RIGHT ONE SAY SAYS “I HAVE SOMETHING I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU”. MY TRAIN LEAVES IN 7 MINUTES.

Me: Is everything okay? Today was so…….beautiful.

Woman: [ HER EYES LOOK LIKE THEY ARE SUPPRESSING ANGUISH ] Oh really? I never think my cooking is anything special but I’m just really happy to had to servings. Mashallah, that is enough for me.

Me: Well, what can I say. I’m a growing boy and you worked your magic. Truly.

Woman: Oh bless you. [ NERVOUS SMILE AS HER BUTTOM LIPS QUIVER] You know what I wanted to say in the Uber was about my own struggle…

Me: Oh I see…in what way.

Woman: Well, my sister doesn’t know this, and I really didn’t want to bring it up during dinner. But, I’ve also thought about assisted death…..for years and years. [ SHE SWALLOWS HARD ]

Me: [ STUNNED AS I SEE THE COLOUR LEAVE HER FACE ] Wow. I would never have imagined as you are filled with so such light.

Woman: hehe… I guess we all wear a mask and I would have probably done it by now but you know…..my son. He’s 7 and he encompasses my entire universe.

Me: Yes you mentioned [ I RUB HER SHOULDERS GENTLY ]

Woman: Its crazy to say it out loud…but… [ SHE FIDGETS WITH HER GENEROUS SLEEVES ]