An Actual Conversation With Two Bedouin Sisters Who Literally Flew 3,200 Miles Just To Spend An Evening Cooking For Me
A Healing Last Supper & A Recipe from the Arabian Peninsula
I begin swaying aloofly to “Heat Wave” by Motown’s Martha Reeves and the Vandellas in the kitchen of an enchanting loft in Brussels. Farah and her sister, Salima, are both at the stove, preparing a traditional Arabian dish.
Salima: Would you like some water or anything?
Me: [TAKING IN THE AROMA] Oh, don’t worry, tap water is fine.
Farah: [looks over at me like the multitasking queen she is] So, Joseph, I know you’ve made your decision and all, but do you have any ideas about what life after your arranged death will look like?
Me: Hmm, I guess I imagine there’s an eternity, but I’ve also entertained the possibility of nothingness.
Farah: I see. In your first video about your decision on Instagram, didn’t you reference a quote by Jane Goodall where she called death “life’s next great adventure”? I thought that was so poetic.
Salima: [ENTHUSIASTIC] Wait, wasn’t she just awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Biden this week?
Me: Yes, I believe she was.
Farah: [APPEARING TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED BY THAT NEOLIBERAL FUN FACT] Ah, cool. Anyway, I saw you mention somewhere in your Instagram stories that one of your last suppers turned into a date?
Me: [LOOKING STUPEFIED] Oh, did I say that? Oh yes, I think I did mention that at some point. That was… interesting.
Salima: Interesting… that’s a good place to start any story. Don’t you think, Farah?
[PLAYFUL, NERVOUS LAUGHTER ENSUES AMONGST THE THREE OF US]
Me: Well, I guess I was incredibly flattered [and confused]. But I feel like I’m at a stage in life where I’m definitely trying to decenter men, especially given the fact that I’m now in the early stages of legally ending my life here in the Netherlands.
Farah: But don’t you think your decision empowers you to enjoy going on dates without attachment?
Me: That could be possible, but as my grandmother always used to say, “Enjoyment is simply what you actually enjoy.” And I categorically do not enjoy the process of dating with its overt gamification and inefficiency. Definitely not at this final phase of my life. What about you two? Are you married?
Farah: Both our marriages were arranged.
Me: Oh, just like my death!
[WE ALL BURST INTO LAUGHTER AT MY MORBID, WITTY INTERJECTION.]
Farah: Haha, exactly! I’ve been divorced now for seven years, and Salima is currently going through one. We both have kids. My son is 12.
Me: Oh, wow. Well, congratulations to you both, I guess?
Salima: Absolutely. [GESTURING FRANTICALLY AT THE CEILING]
Farah: [SMILING] I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I can relate to your comment about decentering men because I’m also at that point in my life as a woman who’s been let down too many times by characters who lack emotional intelligence.
Me: Yeah, but when I think critically about the societal ideas surrounding masculinity and how red-pill stoicism is glamorized, I actually don’t blame most men for having relatively low EQ. As a bipolar man, I also try to acknowledge the reality that every year, a disproportionate number of men take their own lives relative to women. It concerns me.
Farah: Hmm, that’s fair. I can see why you’d say that.
Me: It’s true. Within bell hooks’s concept of intersectionality, I’ve come to accept that most men might never get to truly know themselves before they pass; they’ll continue navigating life with a cognitive preference for being identifiable through many roles.
Salima: [WHILE MIXING SAUTÉED ONIONS] Could you expand on that a bit?
Me: I mean, a man is a brother, a father, a husband, a guncle, a breadwinner, a son-in-law, a subordinate, an epidemiologist, etc. But I’m not sure most men know who they are beyond these cut-out prerequisite roles. I also think it’s important to acknowledge that most men don’t experience true intimacy beyond sex and are largely hug-deprived. When you combine all these factors, you strike the inconvenient epiphany that most men might actually not be worth dating romantically. Gay or straight.
[THE ROOM GOES QUIET FOR A MOMENT.]
Salima: Wow. That’s so beautifully explained.
Farah: Yeah, lots of food for thought.
Salima: Speaking of food — let’s lay the table for dinner.
Me: Good idea. I’ll help.
Machboos Gochujang Recipe :
Serves 2-3, with portions easily scaled up
Ingredients