I Had Supper With My Ex Boyfriend's Ex Wife
It Was Tragically Polite & A Bit Too Cathartic - Part 1
AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH A CO-PARENTING DIVORCÉE ABOUT MY STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION AND THE MAN WE HAD BOTH COME TO SURVIVE. IT WAS A FROSTY DECEMBER EVENING IN LONDON AND AS MY NEURODIVERGENCE WOULD HAVE IT, I WAS 17 MINUTES LATE. MY TENDONS WERE ACHING FROM RUNNING IN MY STIFF SUEDE LOAFERS TO THE ARTS CLUB IN MAYFAIR, LONDON. I ENTERED THE LOBBY NEARLY BREATHLESS, COLLECTED MYSELF AND WAS USHERED STILL PANTING TO MEET HER ALREADY SEATED - SMILING SOFTLY. SHE WAS THIN AND BEAUTIFUL. THE FIRST THING I NOTICED WAS HER HAIR AND THEN HER GAMINE FINGERS.
Strawberry Blonde: Please, sit down. Hope you found your way alright… [VERY SOFT-SPOKEN]
Me: Oh, it wasn’t an issue at all. Errr… I’m a member here. [A NERVOUS CHUCKLE ESCAPES MY BREATH]
Strawberry Blonde: Oh, that’s right… of course you are. I imagine that’s why you probably suggested we meet here.
Me: It’s a remarkably cozy spot for terribly awkward discussions.
Strawberry Blonde: Oh, don’t be silly, dear. We’re just friends who tripped on the same rock.
Me: That’s a poetic way of framing it.
Strawberry Blonde: We’re the same… I’m just a little bit older and a bit wiser. [GRINNING, CLEARLY PROUD OF HER SELF-DEPRECATING JOKE]
Me: By the way, would you like some sparkling or still water? [AVOIDING THE TRAP OF BEING ASKED TO GUESS HER AGE]
Strawberry Blonde: I’m fine either way.
Me: Are you sure? I’m still one of those weirdos who likes my water to taste like water.
Strawberry Blonde: Still water is fine. [SHE SIGNALS AT A WAITER]
Me: Wonderful.
Strawberry Blonde: So…
Me: So… emm…
Strawberry Blonde: So, how’s it been with Ezra? I can imagine it’s been tough—mostly on you.
Me: Well, he’s been… gracious about it. The last time we spoke was five months ago when we were in Bodrum.
Strawberry Blonde: Ah, the Turkish Riviera. One of his more familiar escapisms. [SHE SMIRKS]
Me: Yeah, it was my first time. He wanted me to experience Maçakızı, and then we took the yacht towards Greece. It gave us time and space for the closure we both needed to end it.
Strawberry Blonde: How did that make you feel? [CONCERN FOLDS INTO HER FOREHEAD]
Me: Sorry, what exactly?
Strawberry Blonde: Well… when you realized who he was.
Me: Oh, ummmm… I’ve always understood that sometimes wishful thinking is a dangerous sport. And so, it feels good to stop wishing. [MY EYES BEGIN TO REDDEN SLIGHTLY]
Strawberry Blonde: Oh, darling. I’m sure it’s taken its toll on you mentally. [HER TENDER PALMS COVER MY FINGERS ON THE TABLECLOTH]
Me: On some days, I bed-rot and stew in my own regret. Being bipolar doesn’t f**king help. Excuse my French.
Strawberry Blonde: No, I… I appreciate how deeply involved you both were. This wasn’t just some fling. It was… it was Ezra’s first relationship with a man. That’s what it was.
Me: But I can only imagine what it must have been like for you when you learned I existed two years ago.
Strawberry Blonde: It wasn’t exactly what any of us expected from my ex-husband, to be honest. He always colors within the lines.
Me: I initially thought of it as brave. To come out so much later in his life.
Strawberry Blonde: Brave… hm. I guess it was, in a sense, a bold thing to introduce you to our children the way he did.
Me: His mother thought I was a witch. [DEADPAN EXPRESSION]
Strawberry Blonde: Who, Esther? Bless her, I’m sure it must have been otherworldly for her to discover want you meant to her son. [HOLDING BACK CHUCKLES]
Me: Did you ever know he was… was like… errrr… bi-curious?
Strawberry Blonde: Did I know Ezra was gay?! [SHE SCOFFS] Hmmmm… let me think…
Me: Well, he prefers the term fluid, but it sounds like a euphemism. Like a denial of some sort.
Strawberry Blonde: I think I honestly felt a great deal of betrayal, in a way. A bit… umm…
Me: Blindsided?
Strawberry Blonde: Yes… like the foundation of our marriage was almost a complete lie. A clandestine arrangement. And I’m sorry if I initially made you the target of my pain.
Me: I understand completely, Tamar. You don’t need to really—
Strawberry Blonde: [INTERJECTING] But my daughter, Noel, who you’ve of course met, said that I should find some solace in knowing I was the genetic match he chose to have a family.
Me: How wildly romantic… [I COULD NOT WITHHOLD THE SATIRE]
[WE BOTH BURST INTO PAINED LAUGHTER AT THE CONUNDRUM WE’D FOUND OURSELVES IN AND BROKE THE ICE WITH ENDEARING GLANCES]
Strawberry Blonde: But there is something I absolutely must confess… and I think you know what it is.