"The Doctor Responsible For My Safe Delivery As A Baby Is The Same Doctor Who Will Legally Kill Me "

An Actual Conversation With A Dutch Arborist Scheduled For Assisted Death in 4 Months After A Long Battle With C-PTSD.

I WAS PANTING HOPELESSLY AS I APPROACHED THE BRIDGE TO MEET MY HOST WHO HAS BEEN WAITING FOR 17 MINUTES BECAUSE I SPENT MORE TIME AT THE FARMER’S MARKET THAN I THOUGHT. HE HAD POLITE BLUE EYES, GAVE A SOFT SPOKEN GREETING AND PROCEEDED TO HUG ME GENTLY - I LOVED THE TEXTURE OF HIS GREEN FLEESE AND HIS BLOND OTTER BEARD. WE THEN WALKED INTO AN INDIAN FUSION RESTAURANT IN THE CENTER OF AMSTERDAM, FOUND A TABLE, ORDERED AND THEN OUR SALMON ARRIVED FIRST.

Dutch Tree Surgeon: It’s so great to finally meet you this way. I was touched when you responded to my DM.

Me: [ AWKWARDLY RE-ADJUSTING MY JACKET ON MY SEAT ] yeah, it’s completely my pleasure. And again, sorry for my Ghana-man timing. I hate being late though I achieve it quite often.

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Its fine, it was not too cold and I was happy to wait. [ CLEARLY MAKING A VALIANT EFFORT TO MAKE ME FEEL AT EASE ]

Me: So I know we spoke quite briefly online about the decision we’ve both made, but was it ummm…. ptsd you struggle with ? Sorry I don't know how else to ask?

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Oh don’t worry. Yes, I have diagnosed C-PTSD (complex ptsd) which is usually triggered from a series of traumas. But I started cutting myself when I was 8 though [ALMOST PREPARES TO SHOW ME HIS ARM BUT STOPS HIMSELF ]

Me: Oh wow. Me too. I started around that age too. At first it was out of curiosity and then it became something else. My childhood was a complex one because I realised I was gay quite young

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Hmm, doctors always say that there is about a 90% higher chance of trauma repeating itself after a patient has had a first encounter.

Me: Really? That's objectively wild. It would explain a lot in my life for sure.

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Yeah, I think to be honest the moment that broke me was the point when my girlfriend died in my arms after a card accident. I was 15 and she was pregnant with our first child. [ HIS BLUE EYES DRIFT INTO A FAMILIAR ABYSS ]

Me: [ I CATCH MY JAW AS IT SUBTLY DROPS TO LET OUT HOT AIR ] that sounds completely devastating. omg!

Dutch Tree Surgeon: It just f**king broke me Joseph [HIS EYES WATER WITH INTENT]. Veronek was her name. We met when I was 11.

Me: Shoot. [ I PAUSE ] So how old was she when she passed?

Dutch Tree Surgeon: 18 actually. It was such a happy time for us and it was all cut so abruptly short.

Me: Death can often be a rude creature.

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Indeed. My life spiralled violently in the period that followed and I was eventually admitted into a high care psychiatric facility 3 years after the accident. It was brutal. I witnessed five other patients take their lives during my time there.

Me: That’s a lot [ A CONCERNED EXPRESSION CONSUMES MY FACE ]

Dutch Tree Surgeon: I’ll never forget it. Never.

[ A LULLING SILENCE TAKES HOLD AS I APPLY SOME SOMBAL TO THE SIDE OF MY PLATE. IT WAS WITH A SALMON. I DIDN’T NEED TO USE IT I JUST WANTED TO CREATE MOVEMENT TO PROCESS EVERYTHING.

Me: So, umm, did you always want to become a tree surgeon. That’s what you do right?

Dutch Tree Surgeon: [NODS PENSIVELY] I’ve been working at it professionally for 8 years and I’ve always loved frolicking nature.

Me: That’s amazing. It such a madly specific thing to do with your life but I love how “tree surgeon” sounds. Like an avenger of the forest. [ I FORCE A CHUCKLE ]

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Where are you from originally by the way?

Me: Me? Oh umm, essentially born in London but fully Ghanaian

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Accra?

Me: Yes! [ FAILING TO HIDE MY UNNECESSARY SHOCK THAT HE NAMED THE CAPITAL CITY]

Dutch Tree Surgeon: That’s amazing, when I served in the military some years back, we made a trip to Somalia and Ghana on a mission - pirates mostly . Beautiful countries.

Me: Woah..sounds intrepid [ AT THIS POINT I’M CONVINCED HE IS THE MOST INTERESTING CAUCASIAN IN THE ROOM]

Dutch Tree Surgeon: It was a thrilling interlude in my life after working at a Trauma Centre at 19. But sometimes I miss it. Some missions were deadly close calls but it was mostly a good time.

Me: By the way, when was the last time you attempted ?

Dutch Tree Surgeon: Unfortunately, it was 5 months ago.

Me: From today [EYES WIDENING] ? And what about your parents ?

Dutch Tree Surgeon: They want nothing to do with me. I can’t blame them for their need to invalidate what I’ve been battling for years. I accept that this is tough for them. They’ll always want to change my mind.

Me: Huh. My mother called the embassy in a panic. Its tough. [ I SPACE OUT IN CONTEMPLATION ]

Dutch Tree Surgeon: [BRUSHING OFF MY BLANKNESS COOLY] I’m grateful that I am now past the stage of this process where they provide beta blockers. And I have final two stages over the next

Me: So, where will you be put down ?