I understand the need to want to share experiences - often because we feel validated when someone else goes WOW that person sucked. But one, I don’t think this person speaks English very well which makes it hard to read their intent. And two, I think you should probably tell people ahead of time that there is a possibility you may not make it if you have a health crisis on that day. It’s a bit strange to read you asking for money from a stranger so you can eat their food. I can understand why “underestimating the distance” doesn’t go over very well. Have sympathy. People are struggling and trying their best. I think it’s wise to not react in these kinds of situations. Hand your phone to a friend and get them to have these conversations so they don’t devolve. And don’t post them online xx
Hmm. I’m not sure what the intent of this post is supposed to be. We all understand and empathize with your struggles and it is nice to see transparency and accountability here. However, it also feels strange to post your message thread with your host. I feel like they are valid to be frustrated with you considering your trip was paid and you said you were on the way. Being called lazy during a panic attack is hurtful and wrong. That’s valid too.
What I struggle with is the reasoning behind publishing a conversation, one that was meant to be private, to the internet for all to see. Even if you kept your host’s identity anonymous, it very much reads as a power play. You said you were exiting the conversation, why go further by airing out this thread? Do your future hosts need to worry about the possibility of being doxxed if they slight you? I would feel so violated if I were this host.
I really don’t like the way that this retelling of yours is implying that this person contributed to your suicidal ideation because they were not happy with the interaction they had were you. It’s manipulative and upsetting
Well it did contribute to it because she flat out told him that he was lazy. That is insulting, full of assumption and downright mean. He’s human, for crying out loud. No need to presume he’s something that he is not.
The entire “project” is centered around representing him as something he is not. Every single thing he posts, even regarding the pain and suffering of others who confide in him, is always brought back to himself and his feelings. His crying screenshots, all from a singular video he took ages ago. Why the hell does he always have a recycled background shot of him crying while he exploits the suffering of others for clicks? Never canceling a paid FUI dinner or dreamy date, just no-showing and canceling on people last-minute who identified with him through his “transparent” depiction of the immense pain/isolation of mental health issues. Without fail, whenever accountability is demanded of him, he leans on (mostly self) diagnoses and the people who believe his bullshit back him up. It’s damaging and disgusting.
This person is suffering for crying out loud, have some sympathy. They dont need to be blamed again and again, you commented so much about the author you seem like a personal hater wow.
r/okuntakintesnark - read every source and look at every screenshot and tell me you feel the same. I take major offense to somebody profiting off of the exploitation of the stories of others who are genuinely suffering, romanticizing suicidal ideation, and fleeing from the artists he stole from.
It’s damaging and disgusting to you. Again, he’s human and he’s sharing and venting his feelings and emotions through his posts, his writing, his art. Who are you to judge? Yes, we can all have opinions but how does this damage you and ruin your day? The world needs more empathy, not someone assuming they know a person better than they know themselves unless they affect you and your life directly. People message him because they do feel empathy and he obviously has many other people wanting to share their own personal experiences with living with mental health or their family members who suffer from mental health issues and he posts some of those messages. More people should talk about mental health and that is one of the biggest problems this world has. If you want to spend your time trying to figure him out, at least you can do is support him because he is obviously suffering and trying to cope with, live with, and trying to move beyond with the trauma he has experienced.
Clearly, you are not aware of the ever-expanding archive of evidence that this man is a dangerous liar and thief. Proof of his crimes and falsehoods, screenshots of the thousands of comments he has deleted/posts he has taken down to support his twisted narrative, anecdotes from many who have dined with him/worked with him/gone to school with him, proof that he has never even begun the process that he is basing this entire grift off of…You must not remember when he had a countdown to his “date”, that conveniently changed to his friend Emmanuel’s (a bunch of posts were deleted to further the gaslighting). Make no mistake, he is not in Amsterdam fleeing an unsafe environment for a gay man. He is in a world of shit in Ghana. His reputation is that of a known scammer, grifter, leech, and a scourge on his family name. Who is he going to blame when the next article comes out? And the next? Because they are coming. If you are interested in really getting to know the story of the man you’re defending, let me know.
Damn…you seem to know a heck of alot about him. You must be related to him or someone scorned by him. Maybe you should take all that info and start your own thread and see where that gets you because you seem to be full of hatred and negativity …maybe you have mental issues of your own.
There is plenty in the works. I feel for you, doubling down because you refuse to believe an influencer you’ve defended is actually a terrible person. What exactly is negative and hateful about providing you with examples of his character and offering to prove they exist? You neglected to acknowledge any of that and instead came for me. Deflection, just like Joseph’s. I don’t need to start a thread. It already exists. The article was just the beginning. Scammers love the gullible and uneducated, so Joseph must cherish you ❤️🩹🥐
It seemed like the vibes were off on both ends’ from the start. So while I get your cancelling, I also get her side of things and the disappointment… also, is there a reason you ask guests to pay your travel fees?
I find it strange that out of a lengthy, multifaceted article covering the many issues surrounding you, some of them shocking, this is the one you deem worthy of a defensive response. Your following is jumping on a woman who not only was contacted by the newspaper after her Reddit anecdote was discovered, but did not even speak with the journalists herself, instead going through a friend because she was afraid this very thing would happen. Why not address the myriad other allegations, such as the artists you have yet to pay, your lies about donating 17% of proceeds from FUI dinners to an organization that have never seen a dime, or the fact that you have no problem forcing others to “sit with discomfort” while you cry “triggered” when you are put on the spot? The deflection here is astounding. If this is the one aspect you chose to cling to in a frantic effort to elicit sympathy, do us all a favor and post the entire conversation, not just your cherry-picked screenshots. NUANCE is everything, right?
You have no problem exploiting the suffering of others for content, often not even respecting their privacy, and yet you are awfully mum on the subject of any situation in which you are not the victim. Why is that? If the article is all a smear campaign, why not prove it? You know that this is just the tip of the iceberg, right? Instead of throwing your host to the IG wolves for reacting emotionally to your complete disregard for her own struggles and efforts to welcome you into her home for a meaningful meal, why not take accountability for your lack of consideration and preparation? It is one thing to hold space for others in the face of mental health struggles. It is entirely another to use them as a crutch to grab for every time you are called out for your poor behavior. I have seen the full exchange between you and the woman in question. Why did you manipulate it to act as if this person ran to the press because you hurt her feelings? I’ve seen you correct commenters many a time before, so why not now, when they are bashing her, and claiming she was upset that she missed out on being a part of your content and has some kind of savior complex? Does everyone’s emotional state matter, or just yours?
This, this is how I also feel. It makes me utterly uncomfortable knowing I used to be a paid subscriber here and it makes me so upset when now I realise my money went towards supporting someone who struggles with accountability and shows narcissistic tendencies. To repay my debts I will be making a donation to Bipolar UK on the exact amount I spend her!
You said you underestimated the distance to Groningen, but it's not like you had to walk there — you made her book the return ticket for you, and then didn't even bother getting on the right train. Did you inform her that you were going to be several hours late? As someone who suffers with time management issues, panic attacks, and travel anxiety, it's never nice to be called lazy when it's often more complicated than that. But you did do wrong by your host, and mental turmoil is an explanation for that, but it doesn't absolve you of responsibility.
Violence as a symptom of dissociation has been studied at length. Both "defensive rage" and "dissociative rage" are well known behaviors linked to dissociation.
I’m so sorry this was your experience. She/They could’ve handled this so much better, even if they did feel disappointed. I hope you’re feeling good today! Sending love.
Sad and overall disappointing. It seems straightforward that there would be a possibility of cancellation due to mental health. Even when disappointed, There’s no need to add salt to a wound. XO
One thing that stands out to me is the time stamps though. He claims that the trip was 3 hours long and he was to be there by 6 meanwhile by 4 he had not even boarded. Logically there is no way he would have made that dinner regardless of the attack
I hate to say it but not everyone has empathy and come from a place of understanding. I think you should always attach a disclaimer…explicitly spelling out for those who may not understand your existence as a human. I’m sorry that happened to you.
He also took three days to reply to one of their messages and hadn’t even left where he was staying a whole hour after he should have boarded a train. Then said “I’ll still be there”. That in itself is impossible. So if you wanna talk flakes…
I understand the need to want to share experiences - often because we feel validated when someone else goes WOW that person sucked. But one, I don’t think this person speaks English very well which makes it hard to read their intent. And two, I think you should probably tell people ahead of time that there is a possibility you may not make it if you have a health crisis on that day. It’s a bit strange to read you asking for money from a stranger so you can eat their food. I can understand why “underestimating the distance” doesn’t go over very well. Have sympathy. People are struggling and trying their best. I think it’s wise to not react in these kinds of situations. Hand your phone to a friend and get them to have these conversations so they don’t devolve. And don’t post them online xx
Agreed.
Hmm. I’m not sure what the intent of this post is supposed to be. We all understand and empathize with your struggles and it is nice to see transparency and accountability here. However, it also feels strange to post your message thread with your host. I feel like they are valid to be frustrated with you considering your trip was paid and you said you were on the way. Being called lazy during a panic attack is hurtful and wrong. That’s valid too.
What I struggle with is the reasoning behind publishing a conversation, one that was meant to be private, to the internet for all to see. Even if you kept your host’s identity anonymous, it very much reads as a power play. You said you were exiting the conversation, why go further by airing out this thread? Do your future hosts need to worry about the possibility of being doxxed if they slight you? I would feel so violated if I were this host.
I really don’t like the way that this retelling of yours is implying that this person contributed to your suicidal ideation because they were not happy with the interaction they had were you. It’s manipulative and upsetting
Well it did contribute to it because she flat out told him that he was lazy. That is insulting, full of assumption and downright mean. He’s human, for crying out loud. No need to presume he’s something that he is not.
The entire “project” is centered around representing him as something he is not. Every single thing he posts, even regarding the pain and suffering of others who confide in him, is always brought back to himself and his feelings. His crying screenshots, all from a singular video he took ages ago. Why the hell does he always have a recycled background shot of him crying while he exploits the suffering of others for clicks? Never canceling a paid FUI dinner or dreamy date, just no-showing and canceling on people last-minute who identified with him through his “transparent” depiction of the immense pain/isolation of mental health issues. Without fail, whenever accountability is demanded of him, he leans on (mostly self) diagnoses and the people who believe his bullshit back him up. It’s damaging and disgusting.
This person is suffering for crying out loud, have some sympathy. They dont need to be blamed again and again, you commented so much about the author you seem like a personal hater wow.
r/okuntakintesnark - read every source and look at every screenshot and tell me you feel the same. I take major offense to somebody profiting off of the exploitation of the stories of others who are genuinely suffering, romanticizing suicidal ideation, and fleeing from the artists he stole from.
It’s damaging and disgusting to you. Again, he’s human and he’s sharing and venting his feelings and emotions through his posts, his writing, his art. Who are you to judge? Yes, we can all have opinions but how does this damage you and ruin your day? The world needs more empathy, not someone assuming they know a person better than they know themselves unless they affect you and your life directly. People message him because they do feel empathy and he obviously has many other people wanting to share their own personal experiences with living with mental health or their family members who suffer from mental health issues and he posts some of those messages. More people should talk about mental health and that is one of the biggest problems this world has. If you want to spend your time trying to figure him out, at least you can do is support him because he is obviously suffering and trying to cope with, live with, and trying to move beyond with the trauma he has experienced.
Clearly, you are not aware of the ever-expanding archive of evidence that this man is a dangerous liar and thief. Proof of his crimes and falsehoods, screenshots of the thousands of comments he has deleted/posts he has taken down to support his twisted narrative, anecdotes from many who have dined with him/worked with him/gone to school with him, proof that he has never even begun the process that he is basing this entire grift off of…You must not remember when he had a countdown to his “date”, that conveniently changed to his friend Emmanuel’s (a bunch of posts were deleted to further the gaslighting). Make no mistake, he is not in Amsterdam fleeing an unsafe environment for a gay man. He is in a world of shit in Ghana. His reputation is that of a known scammer, grifter, leech, and a scourge on his family name. Who is he going to blame when the next article comes out? And the next? Because they are coming. If you are interested in really getting to know the story of the man you’re defending, let me know.
Damn…you seem to know a heck of alot about him. You must be related to him or someone scorned by him. Maybe you should take all that info and start your own thread and see where that gets you because you seem to be full of hatred and negativity …maybe you have mental issues of your own.
There is plenty in the works. I feel for you, doubling down because you refuse to believe an influencer you’ve defended is actually a terrible person. What exactly is negative and hateful about providing you with examples of his character and offering to prove they exist? You neglected to acknowledge any of that and instead came for me. Deflection, just like Joseph’s. I don’t need to start a thread. It already exists. The article was just the beginning. Scammers love the gullible and uneducated, so Joseph must cherish you ❤️🩹🥐
It seemed like the vibes were off on both ends’ from the start. So while I get your cancelling, I also get her side of things and the disappointment… also, is there a reason you ask guests to pay your travel fees?
I find it strange that out of a lengthy, multifaceted article covering the many issues surrounding you, some of them shocking, this is the one you deem worthy of a defensive response. Your following is jumping on a woman who not only was contacted by the newspaper after her Reddit anecdote was discovered, but did not even speak with the journalists herself, instead going through a friend because she was afraid this very thing would happen. Why not address the myriad other allegations, such as the artists you have yet to pay, your lies about donating 17% of proceeds from FUI dinners to an organization that have never seen a dime, or the fact that you have no problem forcing others to “sit with discomfort” while you cry “triggered” when you are put on the spot? The deflection here is astounding. If this is the one aspect you chose to cling to in a frantic effort to elicit sympathy, do us all a favor and post the entire conversation, not just your cherry-picked screenshots. NUANCE is everything, right?
My answer is simple: I'm not "defending myself" or "proving myself", I'm just sharing my perspective.
Thank you for your reading and your comment.
You have no problem exploiting the suffering of others for content, often not even respecting their privacy, and yet you are awfully mum on the subject of any situation in which you are not the victim. Why is that? If the article is all a smear campaign, why not prove it? You know that this is just the tip of the iceberg, right? Instead of throwing your host to the IG wolves for reacting emotionally to your complete disregard for her own struggles and efforts to welcome you into her home for a meaningful meal, why not take accountability for your lack of consideration and preparation? It is one thing to hold space for others in the face of mental health struggles. It is entirely another to use them as a crutch to grab for every time you are called out for your poor behavior. I have seen the full exchange between you and the woman in question. Why did you manipulate it to act as if this person ran to the press because you hurt her feelings? I’ve seen you correct commenters many a time before, so why not now, when they are bashing her, and claiming she was upset that she missed out on being a part of your content and has some kind of savior complex? Does everyone’s emotional state matter, or just yours?
This, this is how I also feel. It makes me utterly uncomfortable knowing I used to be a paid subscriber here and it makes me so upset when now I realise my money went towards supporting someone who struggles with accountability and shows narcissistic tendencies. To repay my debts I will be making a donation to Bipolar UK on the exact amount I spend her!
Have you noticed that he has been making a point to add that they “don’t profit” from FUI dinners at 150€ per person? To quote Joseph, “G-R-E-E-D”.
https://www.reddit.com/r/okuntakintesnark/
You said you underestimated the distance to Groningen, but it's not like you had to walk there — you made her book the return ticket for you, and then didn't even bother getting on the right train. Did you inform her that you were going to be several hours late? As someone who suffers with time management issues, panic attacks, and travel anxiety, it's never nice to be called lazy when it's often more complicated than that. But you did do wrong by your host, and mental turmoil is an explanation for that, but it doesn't absolve you of responsibility.
Dissociation isn’t violent.
I'm not sure if this weird comment was meant in invalidate my experience. I'm happy its not violent for you.
It’s not violent for me or anyone I know who has it. It’s literally a shutting-down coping mechanism. Nothing violent about it.
Shutting-down is 'violent' and intense FOR ME. I still don't understand this conversation and I invite you to reply again. All the best.
Violence as a symptom of dissociation has been studied at length. Both "defensive rage" and "dissociative rage" are well known behaviors linked to dissociation.
I’m so sorry this was your experience. She/They could’ve handled this so much better, even if they did feel disappointed. I hope you’re feeling good today! Sending love.
Wow, she's so lazy to empathize
This person sucked ass 😔. Anxiety can come in sudden waves many a times people don't understand that.
Sad and overall disappointing. It seems straightforward that there would be a possibility of cancellation due to mental health. Even when disappointed, There’s no need to add salt to a wound. XO
One thing that stands out to me is the time stamps though. He claims that the trip was 3 hours long and he was to be there by 6 meanwhile by 4 he had not even boarded. Logically there is no way he would have made that dinner regardless of the attack
I’m sorry this was your experience. Empathy shouldn’t be conditional.
I hate to say it but not everyone has empathy and come from a place of understanding. I think you should always attach a disclaimer…explicitly spelling out for those who may not understand your existence as a human. I’m sorry that happened to you.
He also took three days to reply to one of their messages and hadn’t even left where he was staying a whole hour after he should have boarded a train. Then said “I’ll still be there”. That in itself is impossible. So if you wanna talk flakes…
Nobody here is necessarily in the wrong some stars were never meant to align and that’s okay.
Then she’s not “flaky from the first text” 🤷🏻♀️
You’re right my mistake tell your friend I said I’m sorry.
If I knew her I would, but hopefully she sees this 🖤